I love being a mom. I’m not a perfect mom, but at the end of each day, I feel so happy and in love with my life. I mean, I guess it’s kind to sad but my babies, and being a mom is the most important thing about me. I can’t explain but being a stay at home mom feels like it’s what I’m meant to do. I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s overwhelmingly exhausting. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t mom ALL the time. Like a little break in between mom-ing. Sometimes, I do wish I had a job or can go to school…so I can stop being a mom for a few hours. But at the end of day, I know this is the path I’m supposed to be on.
I stopped going to school when I was 20. I have 2 years of college under my belt. 4 semesters complete. I felt school was affecting my ability to be a patient mother. I was doing it mostly online so, I would have to pause constantly to tend to my baby. I had 5 online classes when I burned out. I just couldn’t do it. I would cry. Now I do know so many amazing wonderful mothers who can do both!! It’s great!! Personally, I couldn’t. My husband would work incredibly hard and be so tired too. Both our parents work. So these babies are our responsibility 100%. And I am terrified of babysitters/nanny’s. I mean, we made them because we wanted to be with them. Not someone else.
Well as my only son got older, I knew I wanted to go back. But I also really wanted my son to have a sibling. I grew up with my best friends (70% of the time, they were my enemies, SORRY SISTERS) so why shouldn’t he?
Our family decides things based on emotions sometimes. We both love our siblings and we wanted Cartier to have one and that seemed more important to me than finishing school. It’s a bit offensive being told I’m smarter than that. Or I could have accomplished more with my life. Y’all I’m only 24! I have my whooooooole life to go to school. When I was going, there was people on their 40’s or 50’s just starting. I’m not sure why being forced to pick a career path at 18 seems to be what is ideal. I feel maybe people should wait a bit longer and live life a bit more. The same could be said about having babies and making a family of course. But for me, this feels so right. I have more patience and energy now than I will ever have probably. My children didn’t ruin my life. They’ve made everything so much amazing. They give my life love and meaning and happiness and color. Everything is beautiful because of them.
One day, these babies will be all grown up. And I will feel 100% blessed that I have spent their entire childhood next to them. Someday they will be in school for 8 hours a day, maybe they’ll want to be in an extracurricular activity, or hang out with friends. And I’ll have all this time alone left. But they’re only going to be this little for so long. They will grow up and I’ll be never get this time back. School will always be there but my kids will only be my little itty bitty babies for a short time. And anyways, hopefully when I go back, it’ll be free 😛 #FeeltheBern