“Growing up, I didn’t have anything so I want my kids to have the best.”
I know a lot of people grew up hearing this. I definitely did. I wish the parents of my generation thought of “the best” as more than just material things.
The emotional scars of my childhood will follow me everywhere. I didn’t grow up in what I would call a healthy, loving household.
I want to give my children the best. The best love. The best support. I want to meet their emotional needs. I don’t want to buy them the newest toys, gadgets or clothes. Of course, if I could provide that, it would be great. But from firsthand experience, you cannot buy your children.
Both my dads lost me. Didn’t matter what they spent or what new phone they got me, it’s unfortunate to say, but I will never love them. I never bonded or formed a connection. I was an emotional child and my needs were never met. I cried for help constantly. The only person I felt genuine love from growing up was my grandma. After she left, I was utterly alone.
My children will have the best. They will have the best version of me I can be. They will have me TRYING to always better myself for them. I will apologize if I am wrong. I won’t scream or call them names when they have a bad grade or make a small mistake. I won’t throw a chair against the wall when my 10 year old comes home with a low test grade. I won’t call them stupid idiots. And I especially won’t give them money a few days after I realized I overreacted. I don’t want my children to have to heal from their childhood. I don’t want them to have bad memories they share years from now about a trauma I gave them. I want them to remember love.
I will be my best. And I know I can always improve as a mother. I’ll never be perfect but I will try my very best every single day to be better for my babies. Because they do deserve the best version of me I can be.