Change of pace

Ever since I was a kid, I felt like my family’s goal to be wealthy led to the downfall of our happiness. Constantly working and being so tired from working they’d come home stressed and decide to drink their misery away. Sure, money gets you nice things! And I would never say money isn’t everything because I know extra money for families that are impoverished and hungry would mean everything to them.

I write this from firsthand experience. My father made good money, he bought himself his dream car, he bought a house worth almost half a million dollars. Everything we wanted, we got it. I was 13 and so depressed, I couldn’t even tell you why. I self harmed. He would belittle me all the time, call me names, curse at me. He always justified his actions by saying he never hit me. I feel like he held his “wealth” over me. After all, I was just his stepdaughter. He would take my things, rip up my posters, ignore me. I believe he made me the way I am. He shaped my life and not in a good way.

Then we lost it all. Market crashed in 2008, lost the house 2010. Moved to Texas with just my mom and sister. It was rough seeing my mom struggle the way she did. It was a very hard time for us because there’s nothing we could help with. But for the first time in all of our lives, we felt free. No one to yell, argue, make us feel absolutely awful. It was just us against the world. They became my best friends. I don’t remember a time where I was happier than a few months after we moved to Texas. I never got over my anxiety and depressive episodes. I think those will haunt me forever. But, while we struggled together, we spent so much time together. The goal wasn’t wealth anymore, it was just to make each other happy after what we’d been through.

My choice not to work and go to school has been criticized. I know people look down on me. I know people think I’m being lazy or not trying to give my kids’ the best future. I don’t care to get all the money in the world, I don’t care to have a giant house for my children.

They can share a room for all I care. I have memories of sleeping in my own empty room and feeling alone. And I have memories of sharing a room and being happy. Late night convos with my sisters. I remember we would even sneak into mom’s bed because, we’re humans. We don’t like sleeping alone. Even now as a grown woman, I hate when my husband leaves. I hate sleeping on our bed alone.

Not everyone cares to be wealthy and for luxurious things. If there came a time where we were struggling and I needed to get a job, of course I would. My husband has turned down jobs where his schedule would keep him from seeing his babies. He has turned down raises and pay increases that require his hours being switched. We decided as a family, no amount of money is worth the time we spend together. And there will come a time as I’ve said before, where my littles aren’t little. Where they will be in school for a large portion of the day and I will have so much time to myself, to go back to school if I want or maybe find a job. Right now, it is ALL about them. Being at their disposal 24/7. The only thing on my mind is being a mother 100%. I LOVE loving on my kids. No amount of money will ever make me want to not spend their childhood with them. Nothing will ever pull me away from them when they’re still little.

I know not everyone has this opportunity. I know people have to work to survive or to make ends meet. But for those of you who feel like us moms that stay at home should be doing more and trying to set an example, please. Just don’t. First of all, I hope my kids don’t get involved in anyone else’s life choices. Secondly, being here with them everyday does so much for them. They’ll know their mom loves them and puts them before anything and everything.

So working and getting wealthy isn’t EVERYTHING. Focus on you. On what you love to do. Focus on everything and pretend money isn’t real. Find a new passion. Find something new to love. Because at the end of all this, we all die, rich or poor. Live a life you don’t regret and make memories with the people you love, instead of spending 27728 hours away. I promise, you will remember the memories you make with people you love doing things you love over how much stuff you’re able to buy.

Stay safe!

K💋

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