I’m trying

Boy, is it rough being their for someone’s happiest moments when they completely missed yours.

Oh how I wish the last year went so differently. My greatest joy was not shared.

And now I’m sharing their greatest joy and I am ecstatic. And a bit nostalgic. Remembering how beautiful everything was. And you didn’t care to share mine.

Is this right, for me? My mental health? Giving my all to someone who didn’t give me theres? It’s almost heart breaking. I just constantly give and give. I have nothing to show for it.

Is trying hard to be happy actual happiness? Maybe this isn’t fair. Maybe it’s too soon.

It’s like…I wanted this so bad that maybe I didn’t give myself time to heal the wounds that were left. I, so badly, wanted to share the excitement. Who wouldn’t? It’s the happiest time of anyone’s life. But I didn’t get to. And it stung at the time. Then I moved on.

But now, it’s reopened. My memories, whilst beautiful were tainted by the twinge of sadness I felt because I wanted them there. And now I am there. I want to be. But I can’t forget that they weren’t.

Why is it so easy to forgive but so hard to forget?

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