When I was a kid, I watched this movie called Twister. A lot of the images in that movie were from real life tornadoes. I never actually gave much thought to these things until I became an adult.
Growing up in California, I don’t think tornadoes were on the list of natural disasters I had to worry about. Just earthquakes, I guess.
We moved to Texas and it still didn’t hit me until much later. Like this year.
I don’t think I’ve had an actual intense physical reaction to my anxiety in YEARS. And it came out of nowhere. This paralyzing fear that leaves my heart racing and tears on the edge of pouring out. My phone alerts me that there’s a tornado warning and my heart drops.
It’s the strangest fear. Everyone seems so calm, and I can’t breathe. Can you develop fears later in life? Is it because I have so much more to lose now? I have my beautiful, amazing family. My two babies. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
I’m so used to being in control of everything. And I can’t control the weather. A natural disaster. It has formed into a fear of thunderstorms. Now when I see we have thunderstorms coming, I obsessively check the weather constantly to see if we have a tornado watch or warning. I can handle a “watch.” It’s the “warning, take shelter now,” that brings me into panic mode.
I remember when thunderstorms used to help me peacefully fall asleep. I’m not sure exactly what has changed but I hate this fear. I hate being scared. I hate not being to control something like that. I pray for the safety of us and our family.